I’ve been in a busy, preoccupied state lately. The weather can’t decide between spring or winter and my moods seem to swing right along. But the sun peeked out after what seemed to be weeks of grey and the warmth
beckoned us out to play. Kathleen wore her rain boots for the first time
and was so very proud. Now it’s gotten cold again and there is supposed to be a snow storm tomorrow.
We’re
planning some new additions here in the next few weeks and I’m so very
excited but so very, very nervous and have been a little stressed.
Mid-April, we will truly be a little farm once we are joined by a sweet
Highland Jersey cow named Sugar. She will come with her new little calf
that the girls have already asked to name Spice. (I’m quite sure they will get several picture filled posts of their own once they come.). It’s been a dream of
mine for a long time to have a milk cow and now that it’s happening, I’m
feeling thrilled and overwhelmed. We’ve got eggs from our own hens in
the incubator to add to our flock. There are lists of seeds for this
year’s garden and an order for several fruit trees. We were given enough
windows to build a gorgeous greenhouse. Dan’s summer calendar is
filling with bookings for photography and music (he’s even doing a
little music tour with his brother in law Darin). And mixed in all that are threads of “What if I/we can’t do this?”
I’ve
always been a dreamer; I suspect that I at times drove my mom wild with
what she often referred to as having “my head in the clouds”. Dan and I
together, well, we’ll just say that we dream big. That’s what brought
us to Nova Scotia and it’s no surprise that people often think that we
are crazy. Yet, big dreams on paper are much less work than dreams in
action. I can draw up beautiful plans for amazing gardens and I can
visualize this pastoral image of a cow and her calf grazing in the field
next to the sweet little pony that the girls were given. I can pin cute
little barns and daydream about picking and canning fruit from my own
fruit trees. And then I can snuggle Kathleen a little closer as I enjoy
an extra hour of sleep. The dreaming doesn’t take a lot of work and it
doesn’t include mucking out pens and weeding garden patches. It doesn’t
include a milking schedule that gets me out of bed and keeps me at home.
That music tour that Dan has planned? Usually, we would all just hop in
the van to go along for the ride, but this summer, I’ll be staying
home.
I don’t want to sound negative when really I am super excited and most of the work that I listed is
actually stuff that I really enjoy doing even mucking out pens (except
on those really cold days in winter when it still has to be done.). I’m
really glad that we made the move and choice to spend our life this way
but I’d be totally dishonest if I didn’t say that sometimes I’m tempted
to stay in dreaming phase that is more portable and allows me to just
pick up and go. Sometimes I like the orderliness of pinning images of
all my dreams as other people live them. It feels more comfortable and
takes less commitment and self-discipline. But, then my bottom gets sore
and my vision starts to blur. I realize that I just zoned out while
Cecily asked me for the fourth time for a drink of water.
I just keep thinking that we’re being given a beautiful opportunity to take what is in front of us and to live the dream
that we’ve been given. Not to live it in way that is self-focused but in
a way that is open handed and giving while enjoying the treasures and
growing in the challenges. To embrace life with it’s messiness and
imperfections. But, oh it just feels so big and new and scary sometimes.
Did I mention that the girls were given a pony? This is Max and he is a gift from Grandma and Papa. Isn’t he just so cute?
